Tonight’s share is a deep one for me, but there is a real need here that I cannot ignore. Anyone who knows me, knows there is very little that I hold back. I was born a storyteller and the more confident I have become, the more open that book is. I have gone through quite a personal transformation in the past year based on self worth. It has changed me to the core and my business model for Studio Bliss has followed suit in such a profound and beautiful evolution.
I founded this business on deep gratitude for each and every client who trusted me artistically to be a part of their journey. I promised to never make my art an in and out drive thru. Service and connection are my cornerstones, and I would like to think that everyone who leaves with printed images from their sessions are friends along the way. I now lovingly refer to my sessions as Soul Sessions, because I’ve started booking clients for personal portraiture- one on one. I spend a lot of time learning who they are, what they love, and what their vision is for their session. After all, I cannot call myself a storyteller if I don’t do the leg work. Having pre-consultations to really get to know my clients before hand has changed my world.
Years ago, I started a project for Tweens. A project that helped bring beautiful portraits into homes during a time when most teenagers don’t always feel like they belong. Guardians were given the opportunity to write their child letters of affirmation and love to place on the back of their portraits so that any time that child needed a little love, they could take down their image and read just how important they are in the place they live. It is a project near and dear to my heart, but it needed to expand.
The more women I talked to from all walks of life, the more I realized that so many of us are struggling with self compassion on epic levels. I was watching as my clients nervously tagged themselves in my photos and would then reply to comments with things like, “It was Elizabeth and her magical camera.” “It was all the hair and make up lady.” There were very few replies of gratitude or self assurance. I couldn’t help but wonder why in the world these incredible women were making excuses or flat out putting themselves down when being complimented. Why can they not see what the rest of the world sees? So my mission was to become a mirror. I’ve spent the last year reflecting all of the joy and beauty back towards my clients, helping to empower them through my lens in a series of personal projects.
Most of these clients are women, but I started to get a few high school senior guys in the studio as well. Although they do not respond in the same way girls do to being photographed, I typically get many messages from moms after the viewing session, telling me how proud their son was, that I allowed them to be comfortable and fully themselves in front of the camera, or that they have never seen their child hold their head up so high. Gifting someone with confidence, security, and a space to be seen or heard visually is important to me. There truly could not be a better job than this for me.
Enter my own teenage child. My heart has bled for this child over and over again. I should stop here to mention that he and I have talked extensively, and I was given permission to share his story here. He was diagnosed with Anxiety at age 4. I watched as my serious, first born struggled to look others in the eyes and fought day in and day out to live life full of child-like wonder. We got help everywhere we could, prayed, cried, held onto each other, and persevered. At first, his teachers would tell me in conferences that he just looked upset at school all the time, but was the truest of friends and was otherwise doing well. As he aged, he buried his trauma from anxiety and hid it from the world. He kept it together all day and then fell apart the minute he hit my van. His anxiety manifested in strange fixations that were all fabricated by his mind and repetitive thinking. For awhile he was afraid he would have an accident in the car, and we had to pull over for the restroom frequently. Then, he thought he would get sick at Church and it was increasingly difficult to get him to go, despite the fact that he had never once been sick in that space. We had a really long stretch where we had made some great progress. Then this year, he moved to a new school and became afraid, as most teenagers do that he would be alone, that he would have no friends. He started eating less and less and began focusing on outward appearances. I was watching my son waste away in front of me. It snuck up on us as it always does and it tore me apart. The kid is so high functioning, the best big brother in the world, a champion on the track, and an A+ in every single class. He places so much pressure on himself to be perfect, and we have battled it at every turn. He will tell me there is no room for failure, but understands that this is not a standard in our house, because it is unrealistic and not the way we learn best on this journey. It is all self imposed and he fights those demons daily with every therapy and strategy we can provide. How? How could I have spent the year focusing on self care and compassion towards myself and my clients to be here in the depths with him now?
I do not have many answers yet, but what I do know is that there is such a need right now universally for all people, of all ages and demographics to build each other up. Those insecurities come for us all and while it is mostly women I see come to my studio for photo therapy in this way, I can say with confidence that my portfolio needs to expand once again. I’m a fixer. I can’t help it. I want to be a part of the solution and the only real way to heal this big, beautiful world we have been given is to extend love and compassion, so I will be here with wide open arms and a camera strapped around my neck.