Today is Quitter’s Day. The day when most people abandon the goals they set for the new year. If you have been around a hot second, then you know I LOVE a growth mindset, and I may just be a top tier self-reflector. Setting goals, backwards planning, dropping and giving 20 to find my way there is something I take very seriously, but something shifted this year, and I want to share it with you because it is changing my life. Let’s break it down.
Webster’s Dictionary defines the word goal as: the end toward which effort is directed. The end. I found that to be my problem. Part of living with ADHD and an unhealthy need to see myself fail (you read that correctly, and I am working on it), meant that so many of my jobs and goals made it to 90% completion and then piled up and overwhelmed me because I wasn’t actually completing anything. But the struggle started long before the 90%, because I didn’t know how to set a goal. Oh, I thought I did, but deep down, it never felt quite right. I had read all the books about 10x mindset and 1% better every day but setting the goal was the problem. I had never had that thing I wanted so badly. I didn’t really know how to get there effectively because it was an unlived pipe dream and that’s why I could never quite get behind manifestation either. My brain would hop in and call BS before the full sentence of what I desired could be uttered. And then when those things didn’t show up on my timeline or despite all best efforts, disappointment followed hard. Why aren’t I disciplined enough? Who are you to want something so big anyways? What am I doing wrong? You’ve been there too haven’t you? I didn’t know how to be the container, because my mind and body weren’t prepared to hold the dream I had quite yet.
So this year, on December 29th, I was on a call with my mentor who asked us where we were headed next year and then proceeded to tell us about STANDARDS.
“Standards eat goals for breakfast y’all!”
Sometimes it is so much easier to know exactly what we don’t want in this life. We’ve lived it. We’ve been there, and we know what no longer gets to stay. She challenged us to set a new floor for what is acceptable.
“You say you want these things, but what are you doing to hold yourself accountable, because a standard must be met every day.”
Every. Day. Crap! I had to take a minute to evaluate what I could feasibly do every day and more importantly, what I felt was a vital part of my journey right here and now. It was easier than I thought to get to the heart. I pared it down to 4 areas quickly. The essentials, because let’s be honest, you can literally only do so much in a day. I sat and imagined what this version of me could say at the end of this year. What does she do? How does she move? What does she look like, think like, act like? I wrote it out and taped it to the wall by my bedroom door, because every morning I will be reminded of my purpose. I made a list of ‘Out With The Old’ and hung it there too. That snake is shedding its skin and walking into a new era of becoming, which means there is so much of me I need to let go. (Old habits and stories, thank you for keeping me safe, but there is something else I need to do now.) And then I made lists of what I am accountable for if I say that my pillars of value lie in Myself, My Relationships, My Health, and My Business. Those are now on the back of my bedroom door too.
Then, I made blank calendar pages with a key to hold myself accountable. I have the app called Finch. I LOVE it. You get a little bird that helps you track your habits. My bird’s name is Cheesecake. My friends and family have the app too, so we cheer each other on every day, visit each other, and travel together…like I LOVE this thing. I can set daily objectives to cross off, which makes me feel so good. When I do, I get gems to purchase new clothes and furniture for the house Cheesecake lives in. I now have 31 goals that I have committed to daily and are tied to those four pillars. Some are ridiculously easy and others are more challenging, but my goal is to knock them off everyday. When I do, I get to highlight the box on my wall calendar. Barring total sickness or derailing, I want that highlighter to absolutely dominate this year- standards!
I also downloaded the app called Structure. My accountability partner suggested it, and I am also obsessed with this one. You put in your activities for the day, and it will remind you when it is time to start and when you should be finished with each color-coded activity. It helps keep me on track when I am at home doing business and my ADHD wants to kick in badly. Checking things off that list makes me feel so good too. It frees up my mental space, because I found it draining to be thinking, “Man, you have got to just take the time to sit down and write that thank you card!” and then the next day, and then the guilt of not remembering to do it, and then the next day…Doing the things you say you are going to do and holding yourself accountable is how we get just that little 1% better all the time.
So what does 1% look like for me now that I have stuck with my standards for 12 days? Getting back to lifting weights with my teen, who is so proud his mom is in the gym that he cheers me on and tells me stories about his day I’m not sure I would have heard without our time together growing stronger. It means talking through the joys and trials of the day with my husband and making plans for our future while grounding and getting fresh air on a nightly walk together instead of going our separate ways to make art on our own. It means putting dates on the calendar to have girls’ time with my besties that live so close, but we never seem to be able to make it happen. It means remembering to take vitamins that helped me avoid the nasty bug that hit our house hard. It means connecting with people genuinely every day and intentionally and prayerfully acknowledging all the good in my life each night. It means SELF-TRUST and CONFIDENCE because every time I do what I say I am going to do, that muscle is flexed and there is new proof built. It has been a beautiful reframe for me this year based on my values.
How about you? I’d love to know what your mission is. What standards are you setting in your life and how are you investing in yourself this year?