Be Unstoppable!

“WHAT do YOU stand for?”

My mentor stared straight through my whole existence on the Zoom group call and waited patiently for any brave soul to step forward.  The silence washed over us all with profound impact.  

“Where are you truly convicted?”  Because sometimes it is so much easier to name all of the things, people, and circumstances we don’t want to allow in our lives, but it can often be harder to say, “I want THIS!” with certainty and conviction (especially if it is something for yourself), because that means unshakeable belief.  And the problem here is often our mindset.  We get in our own way. ALL.THE.TIME!

Another mentor of mine used to say, “YOU are the poison and YOU are the antidote.”  So I guess Taylor Swift had it right all along-I’m the problem, it’s me!  Here comes…

-I can’t because…insert litany here…

-What if it doesn’t work…insert thoughts that aren’t even rooted in reality here…

-Who in their right mind…insert limiting beliefs or criticism and judgement here…

-How in the world…pushing away possibility here…

As someone who has felt disempowered most of my life, my mentor reminded me that day that I AM FAR MORE THAN THE SUM OF MY OWN LIMITATIONS. (Let that one sink in for a hot minute!)

Can I get real here for a minute about a life changing decision I made yet again this week?  In the past month, I was offered two jobs.  Jobs that I was highly qualified for.  One as an Art Educator and one as a Photographer for the state.  Multiple people reached out, asking me to apply.  It felt SO good that others valued me enough to want me in those rooms.  (Hello ego, I see you!)  I’ve spent the last year grieving the loss of parts of my teacher identity in particular.  Was this an opportunity to reopen that door and heal?  I felt like I had to give it a try and at least go in for the interview. And it was terrifying when I turned down both of the offers.  I walked away from teaching for the second time in my life.  I chose photography instead and not for the state.  I chose MYSELF and I reinvested in all that I have worked so hard to create with Studio Bliss Photography.  I chose the dream.  And I chose to trust myself, when neither one of the job opportunities felt quite right for me here and now.

I could feel all the thoughts scratching at my consciousness- “Who does that?  You are a good teacher.  You can do that job tomorrow like it is second nature.  Who walks away from stability and a consistent paycheck in an economy like this.  You asked for opportunity- are you insane?”  Those thoughts were pushing at me, and I made a choice in those moments.  It was time to shut down my lizard brain- you know, the one that has some PTSD.  The brain that wants to keep me safe.  The one that rejects change and uncertainty because it’s scary.  The one that asks, “Who do you think you are?” 

AUDACIOUS- that’s who I think I am becoming, and I will play new messages of conviction over and over and over again, because I know that it’s all in the mind work.  Your thoughts, feelings, and experiences shape your beliefs and your beliefs shape your actions.  

In the same way that my connection and creativity shape beautiful experiences of transformations for my clients, I firmly intend to use what I do best for myself now too.  I’ve seen time and time again how this business has changed lives.  The experience I offer gives my clients confidence to go out into the world and ask for the raise with their chin held high, say OUTLOUD they have never felt more beautiful in their lives, show up differently for their kids- the stories go on and on.  I make a difference here and a day with that lens in my hand is never a day wasted, because I am in full service to the people who entrust me with their journey.  The photographs are an incredible bi-product, but the way you will walk away forever changed from a photo session with me is completely invaluable.  How could I possibly have chosen anything different for myself in those moments?  What a gift.  I GET to go to work everyday and change lives, because of how I choose to show up in this world.  That is conviction, my friends.  It is purpose, and it is alignment.  THAT, that is powerful.  So let’s get out there and create the life you deserve.  We can make this world better together for ourselves and for everyone around us. 

The Portrait Masters Conference

“Give them permission to love themselves.”

— Gerry Ghionis

This blog post has been a long time coming! One of the most incredible experiences of my lifetime happened a month ago, and since then, I have been processing all of the good that was flowing towards me at a very fast rate. It’s time to share just a very small fraction of this life changing event with you.

I was fortunate enough to be gifted a ticket to the 2023 Portrait Masters Conference in Arizona. It was the very last conference to be held at the Arizona Grand Resort and Spa. My mentor and founder of the event, Sue Bryce, is shifting her focus to her new education platform Self Value. Not only did she revolutionize the world of portraiture, but I will forever sing this woman’s praises because her conviction of finding self-love changed the trajectory of my life forever. Meeting her in-person was an amazing experience for me. Watching her take the stage to photograph live and then hearing her talk on all of the things she has learned throughout her career brought me to tears.

“Ask yourself...what do I want? Why do I want this? Am I in love with my day? Am I in love with my body? Am I in love with my home, my career? Am I in love with being myself? Am I in love with tthe life I have right now? Because the opposit is living in lack.”

— Sue Bryce

From the moment I stepped foot into the registration area, I was surrounded by people from around the world who were open and genuine. There was no politely and quietly waiting in line for your turn. Bonding happened immediately and friendships formed before we could even get our nametags. I was handed a red ribbon so that staff and mentors would know I was new to the conference. After checking in, one of them hugged me and then kissed me on the head while heading into a new building, telling me how grateful they were that I was there. It was a touchy-feely, connector’s dream to be surrounded by so many people who do what you do in an industry that can often feel like you are on a lonely island. I met someone from Japan who asked if she could photograph me and I cried. It was my first professional photos since Lifetouch. I cried with a woman from Hawaii about finding our way through the difficult and eventually landing on our feet. I met people from Africa, France, Brazil, New York, Texas, you name it and we all immediately clung together. I’ve never felt so seen, supported, and loved by a group of strangers. We didn’t want to waste a single moment together. I was booked solid every day from 8am until well after 1am the next morning, because it was hard to go back to our rooms and give up precious hours together. It was sooooo good for the soul.

Every morning I watched the best from around the world take the stage and regardless of the type of art they created, I was inspired by each and every one of them. Educating myself and opening myself up to new experiences or ways of thinking is one of my top priorities in life and I could not soak it all in fast enough. The wisdom and talent in the room was mind blowing. These superstars would meet outside with us, take the selfie, answer questions, join us for meals, dance the night away, karaoke, and involve us in deep conversations. Their life stories held me captivated and inspired me to find my strength and courage. “You have to remember how strong you are. Why do we have to get to an extreme situation to believe in our own strength?”

One of the weird things coming into this conference for the first time was the fact that I have been following and looking up to so many people in our community for so long that I felt like I knew many of them personally. It was hard to keep your cool and be like, “I know you don’t know me, but I love you!”

I had heard about Teri Hofford before coming to the conference. She is a revolutionary in body positivity. She stepped on stage and documented portraiture through open dialogue by asking the most beautifully profound, yet somehow incredibly simple questions that allowed the subject to open up to her in a way that was excruciatingly authentic. Surprise- more crying. She ran a booth in the vendor hall and at the conclusion of day one, she invited us to come and create a sign with our affirmation on it. It didn’t take me long to land on my message.

I came from a home of abuse when I was younger. My abuser made sure I knew I would never be anything, was worth nothing, and would never be ‘good’ before I left the house every day. I have battled this mentality my whole life. I lost an organ and sank myself with two stomach diseases, all while trying to prove my worth (you know that thing I was born with and is inherently mine the moment I was brought into existence) by giving and giving and giving literally everything I had. I’ve done a lot of hard work here, and I am so proud of the person I am. Those experiences have helped to shape the mother, educator, and artist I am. Teri snapped this picture of me right before I had to scream that message outloud. Three little words and I was scream sobbing by the end. Teri, you are my hero!

“Sometimes you just need someone to give you permission to find yourself beautiful.”

— Gerry Ghionis

Y’all I am in a state of BECOMING and UNFOLDING and it is extraordinary. This was just another incredible door that opened to me because I have learned to expect abundance in my life. I have learned that love comes through me, and it was reflected in all the faces of these people who opened their arms and hearts to me. Community and connection is everything, and I have been filled with gratitude for this experience of a lifetime.