Be Unstoppable!

“WHAT do YOU stand for?”

My mentor stared straight through my whole existence on the Zoom group call and waited patiently for any brave soul to step forward.  The silence washed over us all with profound impact.  

“Where are you truly convicted?”  Because sometimes it is so much easier to name all of the things, people, and circumstances we don’t want to allow in our lives, but it can often be harder to say, “I want THIS!” with certainty and conviction (especially if it is something for yourself), because that means unshakeable belief.  And the problem here is often our mindset.  We get in our own way. ALL.THE.TIME!

Another mentor of mine used to say, “YOU are the poison and YOU are the antidote.”  So I guess Taylor Swift had it right all along-I’m the problem, it’s me!  Here comes…

-I can’t because…insert litany here…

-What if it doesn’t work…insert thoughts that aren’t even rooted in reality here…

-Who in their right mind…insert limiting beliefs or criticism and judgement here…

-How in the world…pushing away possibility here…

As someone who has felt disempowered most of my life, my mentor reminded me that day that I AM FAR MORE THAN THE SUM OF MY OWN LIMITATIONS. (Let that one sink in for a hot minute!)

Can I get real here for a minute about a life changing decision I made yet again this week?  In the past month, I was offered two jobs.  Jobs that I was highly qualified for.  One as an Art Educator and one as a Photographer for the state.  Multiple people reached out, asking me to apply.  It felt SO good that others valued me enough to want me in those rooms.  (Hello ego, I see you!)  I’ve spent the last year grieving the loss of parts of my teacher identity in particular.  Was this an opportunity to reopen that door and heal?  I felt like I had to give it a try and at least go in for the interview. And it was terrifying when I turned down both of the offers.  I walked away from teaching for the second time in my life.  I chose photography instead and not for the state.  I chose MYSELF and I reinvested in all that I have worked so hard to create with Studio Bliss Photography.  I chose the dream.  And I chose to trust myself, when neither one of the job opportunities felt quite right for me here and now.

I could feel all the thoughts scratching at my consciousness- “Who does that?  You are a good teacher.  You can do that job tomorrow like it is second nature.  Who walks away from stability and a consistent paycheck in an economy like this.  You asked for opportunity- are you insane?”  Those thoughts were pushing at me, and I made a choice in those moments.  It was time to shut down my lizard brain- you know, the one that has some PTSD.  The brain that wants to keep me safe.  The one that rejects change and uncertainty because it’s scary.  The one that asks, “Who do you think you are?” 

AUDACIOUS- that’s who I think I am becoming, and I will play new messages of conviction over and over and over again, because I know that it’s all in the mind work.  Your thoughts, feelings, and experiences shape your beliefs and your beliefs shape your actions.  

In the same way that my connection and creativity shape beautiful experiences of transformations for my clients, I firmly intend to use what I do best for myself now too.  I’ve seen time and time again how this business has changed lives.  The experience I offer gives my clients confidence to go out into the world and ask for the raise with their chin held high, say OUTLOUD they have never felt more beautiful in their lives, show up differently for their kids- the stories go on and on.  I make a difference here and a day with that lens in my hand is never a day wasted, because I am in full service to the people who entrust me with their journey.  The photographs are an incredible bi-product, but the way you will walk away forever changed from a photo session with me is completely invaluable.  How could I possibly have chosen anything different for myself in those moments?  What a gift.  I GET to go to work everyday and change lives, because of how I choose to show up in this world.  That is conviction, my friends.  It is purpose, and it is alignment.  THAT, that is powerful.  So let’s get out there and create the life you deserve.  We can make this world better together for ourselves and for everyone around us. 

Dream Journaling

If you have been following along with my Wednesday video check-ins, then you have probably heard me talk about my absolute obsession with journaling this year.  I have journals of every shape, size, and color in a huge stack next to my bed and they all have a different purpose. You may be asking what in the world this has to do with my photography business, and the short answer is- EVERYTHING! 

Although I photographed my first subjects at the age of 16, it took me until 11 years ago to finally convince myself I was ‘good enough’ to start accepting money for my work.  And then it wasn’t until this summer that I gathered up enough courage to make Studio Bliss my full-time job. Those are some really big gaps of time, my friends.  May I have this moment of vulnerability, because this next realization, which clicked in about three years ago, really just sucked the wind right out of me…I was the roadblock to my success all along.  It was my overthinking that sent me to anxiety, which triggered inaction.  It was my lack of confidence that had me hiding behind a name I gave my business that wasn’t mine.  I had to get out of my own way, be the face of my business, and most importantly, SHOW UP for myself!  Cue the journals!

In a recent conversation with my therapist, we identified that education is one of my main pillars in life.  I love to educate myself with a growth mindset.  I love to impart knowledge by educating others.  I feel safe when there is a plan and I am knowledgeable about the course of action to take.  And this is why the back of my bedroom door has sticky notes and papers outlining my personal goals to success broken down into actionable steps. It was an assignment in a class I took last year. That assignment changed everything for me.  I hadn’t been asked to dream about my future since grade school.  When did I stop thinking I deserved more?  When had I forgotten that I could be anything and do anything?  When had I stopped thinking that what I wanted mattered too?

I bought the first journal, mostly because I had problems with overanalyzing, looping thoughts, and terrorizing myself when I was presented with change, difficult circumstances, and negativity for everything I wasn’t.  I got up early before everyone else in the house and just free-wrote about anything that came to mind.  It brought me peace and most importantly, clarity to move on through the day.  It allowed me to let go, and that was a gift that came as a bit of a surprise.  Could it really be that easy?  I couldn’t stop talking about how much it was changing my day-to-day.  My daughter bought me one, my mom picked me up Oprah’s journal about setting goals for the life you want, a co-worker gave me her journal from The Artist’s Way, and so it went.  Now, I have one for daily body image and mindset prompts, one for the classes I take, another for inspirations I get, and yet another that I create exclusively with my daughter in an effort to get curious and boost self-esteem.  But my latest journal might be my favorite of all.

It’s just a dark blue Mead composition notebook.  It doesn’t have pretty watercolor butterflies on the front, or my college mascot, and it isn’t wrapped in a fancy linen fabric, but tonight, I held that notebook to my chest and nearly cried when I finished writing in it.  If you were to open the cover, you would see “GOALS” written at the top with a few reminders in the right-hand corner of the first page.  

1) Make them extravagant.  

2) Align them with your purpose.  

3) Write it like you already have it.

Everyday, I envision what my life will be.  I literally close my eyes and picture exactly where I want to be, who I want to be with, what I want for myself, and then I write.  They are BIG, big dreams, and because I take time to connect with each of them, I KNOW I can do it.  I’m visualizing all of it like it’s already mine.  Remember those lists on the back of my door?  Most of them are halfway complete less than a year after I dreamed them.  Things that felt scary, aren’t anymore.  My life is aligned, and I am so very full of joy because I am out there casting that net everyday, and it shows.  What’s the comment I keep hearing over and over again from people I know since walking into photography full-time?  “You look different somehow. You just look SO happy.”  It’s alignment, my friends.  It’s learning to let go of the small things. It’s fancy pens and paper, and it has changed my life!