Oh, middle school pictures!

I remember sitting at a cafe with a few of my artistic friends, hashing out a new photography project almost ten years ago now.  That night changed the entire trajectory of Studio Bliss.  No longer was I just someone with a camera. I KNEW what had conspired would change my life, my business, and the people I served.  THIS was what I was meant for. My purpose behind using my camera and my gifts was fully formed in my mind, and it was the first time I really thought about being a photographer with intentional purpose and a whole lotta heart behind it.

I was working in two different schools, teaching art at the time.  One was in a residential neighborhood with fantastic parent involvement, tricycles and little helmets everywhere, moms waving and striking up conversations at pick-up and offering support in my classroom.  The other was in a neighborhood where cops were stationed, I had a bullet hole through the glass of my classroom door, and a washing machine to help wash uniforms while I taught so that the kids had something clean to wear each day.  And it occurred to me that it doesn’t matter where you come from, what environment you live in, or how much support you have- middle school is freaking hard on everyone.  You are trying to figure out how you fit into this world, what your friendships look like, you are worried about how you show up, and you are pushing away from the family you have even though you desperately need them, and no one, NO ONE takes out their middle school picture to proudly display. 

It bothered me.  I know I can take a beautiful image of anyone, at any age.  There was this trend in my business of families showing up for photos every single year until their oldest hit those tween years, and then they just dropped right off the face of the earth…and during a time that, regardless of push back, their child desperately wanted and deserved to be seen as a part of that family.  The more I worked through this idea of celebrating life in the messiest stages, the more I realized that storytelling had to be a part of the whole.  I could take a beautiful contemporary portrait, but what I really wanted to do was to let everything that made them who they are shine right through.  If your grandmother was your rock, bring her.  If science beakers were your happy place, let’s show that.  If listening to music or playing with legos or reading was what felt like belonging, then let’s creatively find a way to add those small pieces of your journey to the images.  It sparked something in me I just couldn’t let go.

So, on a very cold Super Bowl Sunday, the owner of Cafe Moxo gave me his store front downtown to shoot a promotional video in.  I will forever be grateful.  The artist Immanual Ahiable (incredibly wise and talented beyond his years) brought his video gear and a group of very sweet girls, who called themselves the “Little Ladies Who Lunch” showed up for a session that will forever have my heart. They started out together and life had spaced them out in different schools in Springfield, but they remained the best of friends and continued to impact each other in profound ways.  What made them tick was the relationship with each other.  And Storytelling Sessions were born.

The best part- while we were working through the photography process, their family wrote letters about what it meant to have them in their family.  Those letters were recorded and a vocal recording played those beautiful, heart-wrenching affirmations while the kids got to see their images for the first time.  And here’s what I didn’t expect…while I thought whole-heartedly that the kids would be deeply affected, it was actually the parents who openly cried and then it hit me.  Sometimes we get so wrapped up in life, that we forget to say the things we should and frequently enough. 

***You are going to want to grab a box of kleenex and a pint of ice cream and then watch our little promo video to the end for the full impact.*** Promo video link

Each kiddo received a beautifully printed wall portrait of themselves to take home with the handwritten letters attached to the back so that they could proudly take middle school imagery home and display it on the wall as a sign of belonging and beautiful worthiness during a challenging stage in life.  Each time they needed to be reminded of the love and light that surrounds them, they could take that photo off of the wall and read those letters.

It’s been a bit over 9 years since the release of that project, and it still drives what I do in my business.  Connection, storytelling, love, and championing the world as we step confidently along our journey.  This project has evolved because I realized during the pandemic that the whole world needed care like this- didn’t matter what age you were, what your background was- humans deserve to be seen, heard, and tell their stories.  This all came full circle for me when my grandmother passed away last year, and I felt the regret of everything I hadn’t taken the time to say, of all of the stories that were shared after her passing as we tried to move through healing.  And so this project expanded into something I now call LEGENDS.  Legends, because to the people who love you most, your stories are legendary.  This project is quite literally for everyone, and if you are ready to show up for yourself or if you have someone in your life you want to shower with love, give me a call.  There could be no greater gift as an artist than to show up as the mirror for all of the good you are in this world!  I would be truly honored.

Quitters Day

Today is Quitter’s Day. The day when most people abandon the goals they set for the new year. If you have been around a hot second, then you know I LOVE a growth mindset, and I may just be a top tier self-reflector. Setting goals, backwards planning, dropping and giving 20 to find my way there is something I take very seriously, but something shifted this year, and I want to share it with you because it is changing my life. Let’s break it down.

Webster’s Dictionary defines the word goal as: the end toward which effort is directed. The end. I found that to be my problem. Part of living with ADHD and an unhealthy need to see myself fail (you read that correctly, and I am working on it), meant that so many of my jobs and goals made it to 90% completion and then piled up and overwhelmed me because I wasn’t actually completing anything. But the struggle started long before the 90%, because I didn’t know how to set a goal. Oh, I thought I did, but deep down, it never felt quite right. I had read all the books about 10x mindset and 1% better every day but setting the goal was the problem. I had never had that thing I wanted so badly. I didn’t really know how to get there effectively because it was an unlived pipe dream and that’s why I could never quite get behind manifestation either. My brain would hop in and call BS before the full sentence of what I desired could be uttered. And then when those things didn’t show up on my timeline or despite all best efforts, disappointment followed hard. Why aren’t I disciplined enough? Who are you to want something so big anyways? What am I doing wrong? You’ve been there too haven’t you? I didn’t know how to be the container, because my mind and body weren’t prepared to hold the dream I had quite yet.

So this year, on December 29th, I was on a call with my mentor who asked us where we were headed next year and then proceeded to tell us about STANDARDS. 

“Standards eat goals for breakfast y’all!”

Sometimes it is so much easier to know exactly what we don’t want in this life. We’ve lived it. We’ve been there, and we know what no longer gets to stay. She challenged us to set a new floor for what is acceptable.

“You say you want these things, but what are you doing to hold yourself accountable, because a standard must be met every day.”

Every. Day. Crap! I had to take a minute to evaluate what I could feasibly do every day and more importantly, what I felt was a vital part of my journey right here and now. It was easier than I thought to get to the heart. I pared it down to 4 areas quickly. The essentials, because let’s be honest, you can literally only do so much in a day. I sat and imagined what this version of me could say at the end of this year. What does she do? How does she move? What does she look like, think like, act like? I wrote it out and taped it to the wall by my bedroom door, because every morning I will be reminded of my purpose. I made a list of ‘Out With The Old’ and hung it there too. That snake is shedding its skin and walking into a new era of becoming, which means there is so much of me I need to let go. (Old habits and stories, thank you for keeping me safe, but there is something else I need to do now.) And then I made lists of what I am accountable for if I say that my pillars of value lie in Myself, My Relationships, My Health, and My Business. Those are now on the back of my bedroom door too. 

Then, I made blank calendar pages with a key to hold myself accountable. I have the app called Finch. I LOVE it. You get a little bird that helps you track your habits. My bird’s name is Cheesecake. My friends and family have the app too, so we cheer each other on every day, visit each other, and travel together…like I LOVE this thing. I can set daily objectives to cross off, which makes me feel so good. When I do, I get gems to purchase new clothes and furniture for the house Cheesecake lives in. I now have 31 goals that I have committed to daily and are tied to those four pillars. Some are ridiculously easy and others are more challenging, but my goal is to knock them off everyday. When I do, I get to highlight the box on my wall calendar. Barring total sickness or derailing, I want that highlighter to absolutely dominate this year- standards!

I also downloaded the app called Structure. My accountability partner suggested it, and I am also obsessed with this one. You put in your activities for the day, and it will remind you when it is time to start and when you should be finished with each color-coded activity. It helps keep me on track when I am at home doing business and my ADHD wants to kick in badly. Checking things off that list makes me feel so good too. It frees up my mental space, because I found it draining to be thinking, “Man, you have got to just take the time to sit down and write that thank you card!” and then the next day, and then the guilt of not remembering to do it, and then the next day…Doing the things you say you are going to do and holding yourself accountable is how we get just that little 1% better all the time.

So what does 1% look like for me now that I have stuck with my standards for 12 days? Getting back to lifting weights with my teen, who is so proud his mom is in the gym that he cheers me on and tells me stories about his day I’m not sure I would have heard without our time together growing stronger. It means talking through the joys and trials of the day with my husband and making plans for our future while grounding and getting fresh air on a nightly walk together instead of going our separate ways to make art on our own. It means putting dates on the calendar to have girls’ time with my besties that live so close, but we never seem to be able to make it happen. It means remembering to take vitamins that helped me avoid the nasty bug that hit our house hard. It means connecting with people genuinely every day and intentionally and prayerfully acknowledging all the good in my life each night. It means SELF-TRUST and CONFIDENCE because every time I do what I say I am going to do, that muscle is flexed and there is new proof built. It has been a beautiful reframe for me this year based on my values.

How about you? I’d love to know what your mission is. What standards are you setting in your life and how are you investing in yourself this year?

Untethered

Untethered: to free from restraint

Anyone who has followed me long enough knows that I have become quite an open book in this 4th decade of my life.  No gatekeeping, no more lying (to myself mostly), and no more people-pleasing.  I didn’t just stumble upon authenticity or haphazardly walk into it, I ran.  

Nothing about owning who I am was done in trepidation.  I woke with a start, and even though the path seemed awkward and unfamiliar, I took to the dirt, bounding my way through the brambles with red in my cheeks and hair flying behind me, laced with twigs and tangles.  And my God, did it free me.

I used to walk into rooms of people and could feel myself shrink, my shoulders rise, my breathing shallow.  I’d find a wall, a corner, or a buffet table and pray to be left alone.  Then, I would watch and judge everyone in the room, feeling worse and worse about myself, because low and behold, my fear was that they were all judging me.  I was anything but authentic.  Every fiber of me was craving connection, but my mindset was holding me back, ”keeping me safe”, and keeping me tethered to lies I had been telling myself for decades. Then, someone asked if I could take a group picture, and my whole demeanor changed the minute that camera hit my hand.  At that moment, I didn’t actively choose to shift my energy.  Photographer is my safe space, and it chose me.

There are a great many places, people, and objects in this world that allow my soul to breathe deeply.  You’ve felt it too, right?!?  This undeniable connection, a longing for time and space to hold still so that you can soak it in, a complete rightness- one that overwhelms your being with the purest of emotion.  These things feel like coming home to myself in a way that makes me wonder if those who came before me, somewhere way far back, maybe even before I was born, had these same connections.

For me it’s water, sitting under a pine tree and listening to the wind whispering through the branches, holding a camera in my hand, light of all kinds, sharing a home cooked meal in someone’s sacred space, flowers, crystals, naps, hugging, hearing a story, snuggling a child or pet, sitting in a pew at church, hilly and cloud-covered landscapes stretching as far as the eye can see, hot rock massages, and long weekends with nothing planned.  The feelings that come with these things are all encompassing, so I began to wonder how I could start shifting more of my life into this category of pure and powerful joy.

What I wanted when I stepped into an overwhelming room of people was confidence.  I wanted to walk into a room where people knew who I was, where they were drawn to my energy and light.  I wanted to be the person who greeted everyone, laughed, hugged, and made connections everywhere I went.  And so in my head, I thought, “If you want to be an Artist, make a piece of Art.”  If I want to be a bright light in other people’s lives, then strike the damn match, girl!  My mom used to call me ‘Sparkles’ and somewhere along the line, that light dimmed, but my God, it has to still be in there somewhere.

Becoming untethered was easier than I ever thought it would be.  I didn’t have a roadmap, just the one my heart had drawn, and it was easier to take that first step than I expected.  I started with one person, because that was safest for me.  And then, with consistency, it grew into something so beautiful.  I don’t have to make excuses and cancel plans anymore.  I don’t sit in my car, pep-talking myself into walking in.  I fidget less and embrace people more (including myself now).  

Lordy, why do we put so many restraints on ourselves that hold us back from living fully and with unbridled joy?  Did you know that a fear of loneliness has now ranked number one of all of the human fears, above even death?  And I chose to change that for myself.  Unbridled and running towards a life where all is right with my soul, one little change at a time.  Connection, my friends, is everything, and it’s only a choice away.

Be Seen.

What if the most powerful thing you ever did was allowing yourself to be seen?

Let’s talk about it, because this one question is changing my life profoundly.  As a kid who grew up in an abusive household, being seen or heard was about the worst thing you could do to yourself.  I spent my life hiding.  In grade school, I would jam papers in my desk and only toss them out on the way to gym or lunch, when I absolutely had to leave my seat.  I kept sharpened pencils at the ready in hoards just in case one broke.  On and on it went in an astounding myriad of ways on a daily basis through my four decades on this earth until I was straight called out.  

You can imagine that I about died when my mentor told me sternly to STOP HIDING in my business.  “What?  Hide?  Me?  I don’t know what you are talking about!”  I was called out by fellow photographers for not being the face of my business.  When everyone else named their business proudly with some form of their own birth given name, I picked a name that resonated with how I feel about photography and how I wanted my future clients to feel when they experienced my love around the art. 

Had I ever been photographed for my About Me page (cringe)?  Nope.  Was I showing up in Live videos on social media?  Nope.  Was I hiding in corners eating all the finger foods and looking desperate at every networking event? Yes, like real bad. I had to talk myself down to even get out of my car and go in. Did anyone even know my business existed or who the heck ran it?  Nope and listen, if you are in business, that is a huge problem!

It took a lot of therapy, gratitude and self-love to work through the idea that I deserve to be seen.  It took another photographer creating a safe space for me to show up in while he lovingly guided me through the process. I had to push through some old scripts and say good-bye to perpetuating behaviors I no longer wanted as part of my story. Hello martyrdom, self-loathing, people pleasing, and dependent behaviors (hoping ANYONE else would acknowledge me).  But I think I am finally seeing the light and the transformation.  How is it that I could do this for everyone else who stepped in front of my camera, but I couldn’t do it for myself?  

So, I will ask again…What if the most powerful, the most courageous thing you ever did was to allow yourself to be seen?  What would that mean to you?  What would that mean for you?  What would that mean to the people you are closest to?   What would that mean to the strangers who are yet to know you, but are now empowered to be seen simply because you bravely made that choice to share and to be open?  What would that mean to your kid, your niece, your nephew, or any small child who looks up to you…”I learned THAT from my mom!”

Isn’t it time you celebrated the journey you are on, because believe me, you are worth it NOW!  You don’t need to earn it.  You were born WORTHY of it. Every. Single. Day. And when you are ready to be seen, let me know. Creating a safe space for my clients to show up is what I do! See you in the studio soon!